Short story: Do You Love Her?
“If I blow your brains out, I can guarantee that you’ll forget her” I whispered as I pressed the gun against his forehead. He woke up from his slumber and looked me dead in the eyes before sucking in a gasp of air, like the wind had been knocked out of him.
“Lily, why are you doing this?” He cried out with fearful tears in his eyes.
“Didn’t I ask you that same thing four weeks ago when you dumped me for that other bitch?” I responded as I pressed the gun harder against his head.
“Please, it doesn’t have to be like this!” His voice cracked as he pleaded for his life. “I still love you; I do! I just don’t think it’s fair to you for me to have feelings for someone else! I’m sorry, this can all still be worked out! I just couldn’t get her off my mind.”
“I’ll help you.”
I woke up when my finger pushed the trigger. This is the fifth night in a row that I’ve had a dream about killing him and the creepy part is that I don’t consider this a nightmare. The nightmare is my day to day life, having to live with this asshole as we are both stuck here during quarantine. To make a long story short, we dated for five years and have lived together for three. Except a month ago when the stay at home order went into effect and we both lost our jobs, he was hysterical. I had never seen him that upset about something.
“Liam, what’s wrong? If you’re worried about us being able to pay rent and everything, we will be able to make it work.” I had asked him, all concerned like the caring girlfriend that I always was
“It’s not that I…” He hesitated. I should have known things weren’t right. Looking back, I was a naïve fool to believe the late nights out were for studying with his friends or for hanging out with a group of his coworkers.
“…I’m going to miss spending every day with her.” He said, softly as if it would keep me from actually hearing it.
“What do you mean?” I asked for clarification, but I blacked out when he started to explain his affair to me. I remember him emphasizing that he never kissed her or fucked her but what does that matter when he fell in love with her?
Anyway, she is some 19-year-old red head girl who looks like she’s had zero life experience. Her name is Sadie, like something you’d call your small yorkie. What does a 23-year-old man want to do with a 19-year-old? What does she have that I don’t? How does their 9 months of being coworkers compare to our 5 years of being together?
“I can’t explain it” He said to me when I asked why over and over again. I asked God what I did to deserve this and settled on the idea that maybe God has forgotten me because I’ve already died and I’m in hell.
I ordered for him to leave, get out, go live with her. But they aren’t officially even a thing and our lease isn’t over till August and with the quarantine being in effect, he can’t afford to find a new place and still pay rent here for a couple of months. So I spend every day stuck in this apartment with this guy who I thought was the love of my life.
“What the f*ck is wrong with you?” Liam shouts as he barges into the room that we used to share.
“I’m just chillin” I reply smugly as I take a sip of my seventh white claw.
“First of all, it’s like five in the afternoon, you fucking alcoholic, get a grip.” I start laughing at his rage.
“What do you want, did I say you can talk to me?” He charges toward me and initially, I flinch. He had never hit me before, but he is obviously someone that I don’t really know like I thought he did so he is capable of anything. He shoves his phone in my face, “explain this!”
I take a second to focus on what he’s talking about. It’s a message from Sadie, asking him to please leave her alone and stop contacting him. I burst out laughing, “What, did you think she would want you? After finding out what kind of a guy you are?” He began to cry and suddenly I felt like crying too. Not because I was upset for him because I know he has never cried for me.
“You messaged her? You’ve ruined everything! I thought we could still be friends and still be cordial, but you’re just a nasty bitch! This is why I don’t love you anymore, you’re a rotten, selfish monster!” Every word felt like a twist of a knife and my body started to move without permission from my brain. Before I knew it, the gun I keep in my nightstand was in my hands and my fingers were on the trigger.
“Whoa, what the f*ck, Lily?”
“If I blow you’re brains out, I can guarantee that you’ll forget her.” I’ve heard myself say these words over and over in my dreams. I’ve seen this scene before, except this time, when I pushed down on the trigger, I didn’t wake up.
Subject: Luxury #3