Fairytales in Reality
“Breathe….just breathe, everything will be fine.” I repeat this mantra as I slowly make my way up the 20 steps to my mother’s room, narrowly missing the 13
th step that creaks ever so slightly if you step on it. I don’t want mom to know I’m coming. She’ll ask for something and I’ll get side tracked. I’ll use it as an excuse to wait another day. No, today is the day. I am sure of it. I’ve waited 19 years for this day. Well, 19 years, 7 months, 5 days and 17 hours but who’s counting? I slowly wipe the sweat that’s accumulated over my left brow as I stand in front of my mother’s door. I can hear her sink running, giving me just a few moments to get myself together. See, today is the day I come out to my mother. I’ve been living such a lie. Not just to her but to everyone, including myself. But I’ve fallen in love. With a beautiful woman known as Carter. Soft brown skin, a beautiful wide smile, and a laugh that makes my heart skip a beat. I know this is love, I can’t deny it. Being with her is the fairytale of my dreams. She’s my princess and Im sure of it. I realize I no longer hear the sink running, my thoughts making me space out for a minute. With one last breathe, I knock on the door and let myself into the room. Mom is sitting in her knitting corner or as I refer to it, her “I’m upset and need something to do with my hands.” corner. I stop in my tracks, realizing that I’ve caught her at a bad time. But I can’t turn around now. This is the farthest I’ve made it in any attempt to come out. It’s now or never.
“Is there something you need Sandra?” mom says as she continues to knit, not even sparing me a glance. I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants as I open my mouth to respond. Nothing comes out. It feels as though I have a frog stuck in my throat. Mom looks up at my lack of answer.
“Well?” she states as she pauses in her knitting.
“Im gay mom!” rips through my vocal cords all at once. I freeze immediately. That was not as smooth as I wanted it to be but it’s out there. I’ve said it and there’s no taking it back now. I focus in on the brown shoe peeking out from under moms dress, not wanting to see the disappointment on her face. See, mom she was born in a different time. At the tender age of 95, mom, known as Shirley to her peers, is on the conservative side. Rescuing me from a gang of bandits when I was just 6, she’s all I’ve ever had or known. Disappointing her is the last thing I want to do, but I must live my truth. I notice mom stand up and slowly walk to the window. She hasn’t said a word yet, but I can see a slight tremble in her shoulders. My heart drops. I was expecting this, but I was hoping for the best. I turn to run out the door, not wanting to see the tears drop down her face, when she lets out the loudest laugh I have ever heard. I freeze mid turn and look back at her. She’s smiling back at me while wiping tears out of her eyes.
“Sandra, baby, I’ve known you’re been gay for a while now. I hope that’s not why you stood outside of my door so long before coming in.”
“I…..what?” I say back. I can’t believe what I am hearing. This must be a dream! Mom walks over and takes my face in her hands.
“Baby, I’ve raised you like my own. You don’t think I this would be something I would not already know do you?” I began to cry as I realize that I did it. I’m finally free and while mom already knew, I’m still proud of myself for doing it. I immediately squeeze mom as tight as I can because I know that now, now I can live the fairytale life that I was destined to have. Starting with my beautiful princess Carter.
Subject: Head of Household 
