Friendships

I wanted to do this. For fun. And like I said before, to see what I could do. Growing up I didn’t have many friends. Still don’t actually. But that’s mostly how I am. Big part of it. Always felt awkward growing up. Afraid to stand out. Afraid of my own voice. I swear I carried this all through adulthood. Started watching BB from my mother. I think season 14 or 15. Mostly casual. Didn’t really get too into it, until few more seasons. Then I got into live feeds. But only until I found realityrecaps. It took me (as I found out from others later), two full years before I even spoke in chat. I was hooked because I felt first time, that I belonged. Eric has always been a great supporter of YRR fam. I loved his community he created. But I think my insecurities caught up to me. I don’t really know what it takes to be a friend. I can see why some get fed up in different issues. Like I said before, I chose this name for here, out of respect. Thought I have better chance for friendship. But you can’t start a friendship built on lies, have to be your self. I know that now. But I just don’t think I love myself enough to share. Or at least take that chance. I have idea why I am saying this here. Guess I just needed to say it.