NOTE: I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO FUCKING SORRY THIS IS SO LONG :'(
Title: Hades’ Gamble
She never really liked her birthday. It’s not because she’s getting older, nor is it because she’s one step closer to death. The sadness of a middle-aged woman’s birthday doesn’t set in when she blows the candles out, realizing she’s 40, nor does it set in when she goes to bed that night.
It sets in when she wakes up no more than 3 days later. It sets in when she realizes that nothing has changed. Her life is monotonous, it stays constant. There’s nothing new about this year, not that she’d expected her 40’s to be a party, but she expected to feel somewhat different. She cries that night, knowing her life will be just as it always has been. It’s comforting, yes, but it’s not real. It’s not substantial.
She wakes up directly on time to get ready, knowing she woke up milliseconds after her alarm rang just as she always does. She kissed her wife on the forehead before she heads off to her nine-to-five job. Electing not to eat breakfast this morning. She just wanted the day to be over, but it barely began.
She always hated taking the metro, it was too messy. She wished her wife would be able to come along with her… Or that she’d be able to smoke on the commute. Both would take the edge off of a bleak Washington D.C. aura.
Something was different that day, she took a step off of the train and walked up the steps of the tunnel, finally exposing how gross the city is in the winter.
Walking at a faster pace, she bustled past many mountains of snow, black snow, tainted by the car emissions. Eventually, within a short, 5 minute walking period, she was at her place of work: a law firm, covering contracts and copyright settlements.
Now, I would tell you what happened at work too, but that’s far, far too predictable. She worked her boring job, settling a small dispute over two logos looking alike and squashing it before it escalates to the courtroom. She types the paperwork necessary for hours on end, eventually opting to handwrite her notes instead.
She took her lunch break early that day, grabbing a small, folded photo of her wife. Unfolding it, she set it up directly across from her. Eating in her own office, she talked to that photo as she did every day. It was the one thing keeping her sane. Outside the office, there is nobody caring about the noise she’s making. They’ve known this has been what she does for years, so it no longer bothers them or raises suspicion. She just misses her wife.
She finishes work that day, leaving without saying goodbye to anyone. No need to, there’s nobody that would appreciate it. She endures the rough 5 minute walk in the freezing cold once again, finally getting to the entrance of that same Metro tunnel she rides every day, though today… Nobody was there.
As per usual, the train lights appear and it starts getting closer. Hearing it echo, she steps closer. It’s usually not supposed to be as loud as it is, there’s never a train that blows by this stop, so why is there one now? The train doesn’t slow, it speeds up. Getting a closer look, she slowly inches forward to peer beyond the tunnel.
Confused by this, she lets her guard down. Then unable to hear the man behind her, who ever so slightly thrusted her onto the train tracks.
Sparing you of the gruesome details, I’ll tell you where she went. She did not go to heaven, nor did she go to hell. She existed in a sort of limbo. She waited there for hours- days even. Nobody came for her. Looking around, trying to move but can't, she knows that all she can see is black.
That’s when he appears, “Amelia Picano” he states, his domineering voice giving her whatever sense of reality she could muster.
“I am Thanatos, a God of Death. You humans would know me from Greek Mythology, though I can assure you- it is all true. I would like to congratulate you, you are one of the luckiest people in history. You’re going to be given a chance for a second chance.” He informed, crossing his arms as she inspected him up and down.
Not knowing what else to do, she angrily yelled, “What does that mean? I just want to see my wife! Is she safe? Does she miss me? Does she know I’m dead?! Dammit, you ‘God of Death’, answer me! You owe me that much, shithead!” Her words did not phase him one bit, he stood there with his fixed eye contact and crossed arms.
Firmly, yet calmly he explained the situation to her. “Your wife is the one who summoned me here. We made a deal. You died, and I needed you. I need to bring one human with me to the Underworld to compete in Hades’ tournament. If you win, you get to go home. If you lose, you and everything you’ve gambled over will be lost forever.”
“I can't accept this. I absolutely can’t… Is this my ONLY option?”
Sighing, Thanatos miffed “You don’t get a choice. Your wife already made the deal with me. I get you to represent me in Hades’ tournament, you might be able to live life again. You should be happy. Without me, you would have joined the others in true death.”
“... What is this ‘tournament’ you’re talking about?...” She trailed off, still unable to grasp the situation with clarity. After all, she IS in front of a “God of Death,” though, she listens because it’s the only option.
“Hades hosts a poker tournament with a few of the gods and goddesses associated with Death. It’s kinda our thing. We each pick one human with the drive and cunning know-it-all to win, it’s a little thing that passes the time.” His smirk sickened her.
“Take me.”
-----
In shackles, she’s pushed along by a short-tempered imp poking her with a small trident. She follows her newfound “”””friend”””” Thanatos into the largest door she’s ever seen. As it opens, it reveals a Casino easily the size of Las Vegas itself. Slot machines that go on for miles, blackjack tables that covers entire blocks, and a bar longer than the Vegas strip.
That damn imp poking her along the 20 mile trek inwards, she’s forced to walk all day and all night in order to get to the center of the casino. That moment is when Thanatos snapped his fingers and the shackles came off.
“Look, Amelia. I brought you with me an hour early so you could loosen up. It’s part of my strategy. I’ll give you some money, buy a drink, get a bite to eat, and be here at exactly midnight. That’s when Hades will start the game. If you don’t, we’re both fucked.”
“What would he do to you if I didn’t show?”
“You’ll show. Hades would have me killed if I didn’t participate.”
She took his advice, grabbing a debit card from his hand and proceeding to book it to the nearest drink station. She demanded a bloody mary immediately. It was her favorite drink even though it objectively tastes like shit. She liked it because she met her wife while drinking one. It spilled all over her blouse, but she was too starstruck by her gaze.
After downing that bloody mary immediately, she took a stroll to the slot machines and sat down. Thanatos never told her exactly what she could and couldn’t spend her money on, so she paid, pulled the lever, and immediately lost. Pineapple, Clam, 7. Not one match, all 3 were different. Though, she could appreciate the beauty of the pearl sitting on the clam’s tongue. She wishes she gave her wife more pearls when she could… Every little thing reminds her of the pain of being away.
She paid and pulled the lever again. Clam, Clam, Cherries... And again, a loss.
She repeated this process... Cherries, Clam, Pineapple.
Looking at that assortment… Cherries… Clam… Pineapple… Her stomach growled. “Shit!” She audibly exclaimed, she legitimately hasn’t eaten since her lunch on that day at work just a little while ago. Time was starting to blur, she can't even recognize how far gone that day is.
Rushing back over to the bar, she snatches the first menu and barstool open. Reading the list, she was appalled by what she saw. The menu was filled with taboo foods, at least taboo to her. “Giraffe medallions? Rhinoceros steak?? PLATYPUS BURGER??? What the fuck do these people eat?”
Following that very loud exclamation, the same bartender that gave her the bloody mary chimed in, “I actually recommend the platypus burger. It’s our house special!”
Well, it’s not like she had any other choices. It was between that and Dolphin sausage… So she took the mammal. She can’t stand seafood.
After eating every single bite, she can safely say that, yes, the platypus burger WAS good.
Looking at a clock right behind the bar, it’s 5 minutes until midnight. She slowly saunters back to the center of the casino and takes a seat at the large poker table.
With a puff of smoke and a raven’s scream, Thanatos materialized right next to Amelia. Startled, Amelia jumped up and yelped, as if she was a piece of toast popping up in a toaster. After calming herself, she took a good look around the room. The man across from seemed familiar.
“Before Hades gets the game started, you should know your opponents: Directly across from you is Adam Sandler, famous in your human world for making either the worst movies of all time or just barely ok movies. You should know that he has a severe gambling addiction, nor does he care about the lives of anyone else. He is your biggest threat, do not underestimate him because he’s a fucking lunatic, no joke, like actually a lunatic. I mean, you’ve seen You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, right? Absolutely deranged man. To your left is Jackie Burkhart. She is a clear frontrunner to win this all. Poker legend. She has the poker face like no other. To your right is Hottie. Weird name, I know, but she’s ruthless. She’ll find the tiniest crack in your game, tiniest insecurity, or tiniest flaw and she will amplify it and mercilessly slay you down. Your last two opponents are Hange Zoe and Kelly Kapoor. Hange is a sweet, loving person. They’re by far the weakest at the table, but you should keep them longer than the rest. They’re the easiest to beat. As for Kelly, let her get taken out via observation rather than strategic plays. She plays with her emotions, it’s easy to read her cards once you find out her quirks.”
Looking around the room, Amelia noticed the only one not wearing professional, non-reflective sunglasses was herself… And Adam. “That must be part of his strategy,” she thought, quietly to herself.
Before long, it was time for the game to begin. A flash of blinding red light appeared from the center of the table as Hades took one step out of it, looking around the room at the 6 players. Taking a second step out, he tugged a large chain that he’d palmed in his hand, allowing Cerberus, his three-headed dog, to enter with him. He stood in front of his seat presiding over everyone, a large throne onlooking the table.
Beginning to speak, his voice dominates over everyone else’s, ““The six of you have been chosen to play a game for us tonight. That game is not normal poker, it follows different rules regarding betting. As you all can observe, there are 4 different colored chips tonight. Instead of currency, each of those chips contain a soul rather than a dollar amount. You only contain souls important to your own lives, so there is no ability to attack one another through betting on other competitors’ souls. The 2 red chips correspond to people in your everyday life such as coworkers, the 6 blue chips correspond to your close friends, the 10 green chips correspond to your family members, and the pink chip is your one soulmate. For each round, you can choose to stay, however that means you are forced to bet at least one soul for the round. At the beginning of each round, a random draw will determine who gets to bet first. However, at least one person must get eliminated each round, meaning if everyone here stays, the person eliminated will be the one with the worst hand. If you choose to fold, you will die and the round will instantly end and a new one begins, but every soul in your possession will continue living. That is not the case for if you get eliminated with the worst hand. If you are eliminated, you and the rest of your souls will die and be separated for eternity in the afterlife. Loopholes are encouraged, cheaters will be killed on the spot. Do I make myself clear?”
A deafening silence followed, one meekly “Yes sir,” is muttered by Hange.
“Good. Regarding the final two players left, you will both be given an orange chip. This chip is able to be anyone or anything, meaning if I am playing, and I want to force my opponent to fold, I could pick their most prized possession, person, legacy, or anything else that might force their hand. If you are the victor, you will return to your everyday life as if your death did not happen. To clarify, if you are the victor, the souls you bet on are also saved. Are these rules clear enough?”
“... Yessir.” Hange whimpered again, clearly afraid of the situation as well as the God of the Underworld.
“Good. Arisa Cox will be the poker dealer for the night. She will be the one calling first bets.” With that, Hades sits on his throne and begins to watch the game unfold.
Arisa shuffles her deck, opting to speak while managing the cards, “This game will be played as a Texas Hold’em game with modified twists. Though, the notable change is that the fourth and fifth street will be combined into a single dealing. Meaning you will be dealt two cards face down to you personally. The first round of betting will commence then. Then there will be three cards, known as the flop, sitting face up as community cards. That will be the second round of betting. Following the second round of betting, I will turn over two more cards- this will be the fourth and fifth street simultaneously. During any stage of bet, one must match the original bet amount or more from the beginning bet, Do I make myself clear? There will be no redo’s, no second chances. Now is your time to ask a question.” Luckily, her rules were simple enough and people don’t need to fucking ask a billion questions or beg for redo’s because they listened to the very clear rules as intended. Throughout her monologue, she had already dealt out every card needed for the match. “Kelly will bet first.” She continued.
“Thank you Arisa, I will bet… The life of my coworker Stefan!” she exclaims, placing his chip slightly in front of the rest.
Arisa chimes in, “For those of you willing to stay, you must match her bet.”
Hottie snickers, placing both of her blue chips in front of her. “I will be betting the life of my lifecoach, Beast, and my breast augmentation surgeon, April.”
The rest of the players only place one blue chip in front, Hange betting on their basketball mentor, Michael’s life. Jackie bet on her ex-boyfriend Heyward, and Adam bet on Mel Gibson’s life.
Amelia was the last to bet, “I bet the life of my…” her life flashes in her eyes, there’s not one person in her life besides her wife who means enough to warrant a chip. “My boss.”
Arisa then flipped the flop over, revealing a king of clubs, a 6 of spades, and 4 of spades.
Immediately, Adam placed down his pink chip, shocking the rest of the competitors. “I bet my wife.”
Hange immediately folds. “I… I love my family and friends too much… I love my husband too much. I don’t think I can do this. Hades, take me away.” they say, a gleam of light turning them to dust almost instantly. Following, a raven’s screech is heard in the distance. Hades chimes in, “Pope Heyward, Michael B Jordan, Mel Gibson, Beast Boy, and April Kepner have all been peacefully killed in their sleep.”
Arisa collects the cards, reshuffles, and re-deals them out. “Adam has first bet.” she states, looking towards Adam to make his bet. With everyone fixated on the two cards, not one person notices Adam’s silence.
“...”
“Adam, make your bet.” She restates a moment later.
“...”
After waiting another whole minute, Arisa chimes in once again.“Adam, make your bet within 5 seconds.”
“...”
Raising her voice, slamming her hands down on the table, Arisa screams“I did not think I would have to make this decision because I didn’t think anyone would be stupid or rude enough to make me, but this is not a loophole! This is prolonging the game for no reason! If you do this in the future, it will be you following Hange’s dust trail into hell and it will be by my own two hands choking you, not by this game! Am I clear?”
“My apologies. I bet… My mother and father.” He places two of his green chips forward.
“I bet my two brothers.” Jackie follows, “Raised, I also bet my sister.”
Kelly’s next, stating, “I’m betting both of my grandparents”
Amelia follows suit to Jackie, placing all 3 of her siblings on the betting.
Hottie then places her pink chip in the middle, once again upping the ante.
Arisa then flips over the flop; an ace of diamonds, a king of diamonds, and a 2 of clubs, leaving Hottie to push in two green chips, “I bet my baby sister and my cousin Dua.”
Arisa looks around the room, no bids were further made. She flips over the fourth street, showing a king of hearts and a jack of spades.
Looking around the room, no bets were raised, causing Jackie to smirk ever so slightly. The only one to catch on was Amelia, who had placed the same folded photo she had at lunch that day right next to her pink chip.
“Flip over your cards, everyone.” Arisa commands, looking especially at Adam to ensure he literally follows the rules because they’re not that fucking hard to follow.
Looking at the cards, Jackie by far had the best hand. Jackie boasted quad kings, a near impossible hand. By far, the one with the worst hand, was Hottie, who was too caught up in thinking of personal attacks for later to realize that her hand was not in fact good. Actually, her flaw was that she misremembered a horribly written Unicorn movie on Netflix and assumed her starting 2 & 7 of off suits were good cards. “B-But it’s a hammer! Those are good cards, right?!?” she cries, desperately looking around for no approval that would come.
Naturally, Arisa locked eye contact with Hades as he snapped his fingers, killing those who hottie betted on and herself. As she turns to dust, all that remains are two large silicone boob enhancers that fell to the floor and burst, leaking liquid everywhere.
Arisa reshuffled, redealt, and paid especially close attention to Jackie this round. Naturally, it’s because she’s a poker champion, but Arisa suspected a little more than just that. “...Bet goes to Amelia first.” she says.
“I bet my half brother and half sister.” she states, placing her two green chips in the center.
Kelly takes her lead, “I will bet my aunt and my grandma.” She places her chips forward, giggling after doing so.
Adam is next to chime in, “I bet two chips.” He says.
Kelly immediately has an issue with that, “What color, Adam? Green? Blue? Bye,” she smirks as she flicks him off.
Jackie is next, “I bet my… Wait… Arisa, did you catch what I just did?”
“No, Jackie, what have I missed?” Arisa questions, leaning closer to Jackie.
Jackie begins her lecture, “Kelly stated that she bet both her aunt and her grandma. In the previous round, she said ‘I bet both of my grandparents,’ not ‘I bet two OF my grandparents,’ meaning she lost both of her grandparent chips and she only turned in one chip following. Kelly is cheating, she slipped her grandma into her sleeve. I’m sure if you check in with Hades, he’ll back me up.”
Amelia looks astounded watching this, her head darts between Hades and Jackie, but it eventually falls on Kelly as she disintegrates in front of everyone, screaming “No, no! It’s not true!!!” Like the others, a raven screeches as those she has bet on perish.
The game comes to a clear divide, Adam, Jackie, and Amelia are left. Arisa reshuffles, redistributes, and asks Jackie to make her bet as she was picked.
“Hm, I bet my fitness trainer Halsey.” She states, putting in only one, blue chip. Amelia goes next, placing in 3 green chips, “I will be betting on my nephews.”
Finally, Adam places his pink chip in. “I will bet my wife again.” He then reaches for a green chip, “I will also be betting my little daughter.”
Arisa looks around, then flips the flop, showing a 6 of diamonds, a 2 of diamonds, and a 4 of diamonds.
Jackie, looking horrified, asks to fold. Adam, looking vindicated, drops his two cards, showing that in any scenario, he had a straight flush. Jackie’s remains drifting away like dust signifies the finals. Though, unlike the others, no raven screeches, she tried, but gave up when she couldn’t. Amelia vs Adam.
Arisa reshuffles and redeals for the final time. She explains, “you may pick anything in this universe to bet, you are each given your orange chip. Pick wisely. Adam gains first pick”
Adam goes first, “I bet whoever is in that photo that Amelia has near her pink chip.” he states, Arisa confirming, “Her wife, Liz is your bet. Amelia, what is yours?”
Looking around the room, desperately, she can’t seem to find anything- anyone that would mean so much to someone who has already put their wife and little daughter on the line. She begins to hyperventilate, her vision blurring, and her sweat growing more evident that she should fold. Except she cant, she’s selfish, she’s somewhat rude, and she wants a happy life. She makes eye contact with Hades himself. “I bet Persephone. Hades’ wife.”
His eyes widen, glaring at Arisa, though, they almost immediately settle. “Arisa, allow it.”
He knows something that Arisa and Adam do not.
When Arisa flips the flop, 3 queens are present, a nearly impossible drawing.
Arisa knows the betting wont go on for another round, opting to flip the next card with it.
She uncovers the fourth queen. One more card to go…
She flips the last card, a 4 of diamonds. Adam, knowing he has an ace as his last card, feels that it is statistically extremely likely for him to win given the fact that aces are of a rare distribution, especially considering he has 2 of them.
Adam flips his two cards over, jumping for victory once he wins. “WO! WE DID IT BABY!” He screeches, “DADDY’S COMIN’ HOME TO ST LOUIS, WOO!”
Though, Amelia and Hades both know what’s happened. Amelia flips her cards around, and there sits a joker and an ace.
Hades would never, ever come anywhere near to hurting Persephone, she was his queen. Amelia, having read the Percy Jackson novel series by Rick Riodan, knows this. She bet on him being unable to allow Amelia to win, thus forcing him to cheat with the luck of the draw on the cards. The rule was that Amelia was not allowed to cheat, but Hades was. Amelia just received the benefits, her LISTENING TO THE RULES WON HER THIS! SHE REMEMBERED THAT LOOPHOLES WERE ENCOURAGED, THEREOFRE SHE WON. SHE WON BECAUSE SHE LISTENED TO THE RULES. I HOPE THIS ALLEGORY IS PAINFULLY OBVIOUS.
With that, Adam sits down and accepts defeat, but not before he yells at Arisa for no reason. He crumbles to dust and Amelia looks backwards to smile at Thanatos.
With the same light from earlier, she was then back in the Metro Station right where she died. In her place, she sideswipes and evades the man who pushed her into the train to begin with, doing the exact thing back to him. As the train goes by, Amelia inspects to see who her murderer was. Though, much to her surprise, it wasn’t a man. It wasn’t a human at all, she just saw the empty pouch of a muppet. Red Fraggle tried murdering Amelia, her wife made a deal with the devil, she won her life back, and stopped her death from even taking place.
Since nobody really cared that a muppet died, cuz, cmon, it’s a fucking muppet… Like… Who cares, so Amelia gets on the next Metro home.
Entering the doorway of her house, she locks eyes with her wife. It was just a day for her, but to Amelia, she feels like she’s been gone an eternity. They embrace each other as their door gets forcibly shut by the wind, ensuring their privacy forever.
Amelia did not need to feel different. She didn’t need an adventure or to gain new life with her birthday. She didn’t need someone to tell her that, even though she’s growing older and her life has been monotonous and dull, there are others who give you value. Those chips in the tournament only had the value the players gave. Adam treated his wife like he would treat a dollar bill, but Amelia never once put her chip in jeopardy. She realized all that truly mattered was that her wife was happy, safe, and they were together. She didn’t care about the world, she just wanted peace.
Subject: Story Time HoH