My name is Sandra Kaluiokalani and I approve this message

Your girl won immunity despite literally putting together the most random ideas together and producing such a hot mess of a story. I’m relieved that I lucked out with these judges because they clearly have a sense of humor and an appreciation for the weird. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH, LETS F2 IN ALLSTARS?

Anyway we have had ten people booted with like twenty four people left. Still such a large cast so leaving this early would be embarrassing and traumatizing to the point that I would never leave my house or show my face to the public ever again. We have had five rounds and I still have no idea what’s going on, but at least I lasted longer than Pedro. So that’s a first for this series! I guess this season I objectively did better even if I place worse lmaowut.

Here are my thoughts on this season. Might as well do this since I am somehow safe this round and I trust the HOHs anyway.

Aang: This guy is clearly all over the place and it’s so obvious. He’s lying to me about how he voted with the chloe thing but I feel like other people are starting to see through him and as long as he ~thinks~ I’m under his thrall then maybe he’ll keep me around and not actively target him (aka nominating me). I’m sure if I were on the chopping block he’d vote me out. I do find him entertaining though, and very much a hot mess. Depending on the right circumstances if he were on the block and being targeted I may actually try to keep him in. He seems like the type of player who can be influenced easily. Like if I keep him, he might go from passively wanting me out to becoming my BFF. He’s still a question mark right now.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Allegedly she’s the one who voted Chloe with us too and she’s denied hearing anything else so she’s either completely genuine or she’s a mastermind liar. It’s hard to tell with this one but I think I can keep stroking her ego and she might wanna try keeping me around longer. She’s been super quiet in our group chat so something tells me she has her hands everywhere but as long as she tries to play messy and still not nominate me, I’ll be fine with that too. But I will forever love her hilarious train wreck of a story ending <3

Audrey Horne: ROFL I totally saw through her putting me and Tyler as the two lovers in her story and it’s a little alarming because we already have that stigma attached to us and now she’s making it a cute little story that others might be cautious about. Convenient that we are the last two standing. THANKS FOR MAKING US TARGETS. She’s an interesting one. She’s pushing for this anti-group mentality, which I believe on one hand, because what HOH does not want their target to go? Clearly there is a side against her since they voted to keep her target in the game. But I also don’t think she’s as innocent as she’s letting off and now she’s back on my radar. She probably wants me to do her dirty work and go after the alliance of Megan/Keke/Carter/Layla/Daphne. I’m not 100% convinced that’s what the alliance composes of, but I am good with those ladies for now, at least in the sense that they think I’m not a threat right now.

Billie Eillish: Another one who is clearly lying to me except this time I think she is with Keesha and Aang in some capacity. Hopefully the alliance room I create with them can reduce the size of the target on my back and they don’t come after me right away. She’s such a bad liar. I don’t trust anyone who says they haven’t spoken game with anyone and we are in the sixth round. Girl please, you think I was born yesterday? Apparently she has an alliance with Daphne and Michael and they probably voted out Sunflower. I’ll just play dumb oops.

Blair Waldorf: Literally a wildcard here. No idea who else she talks with but there is no way the Heather/Megan/Blair/me alliance is her top priority. But the problem is I do not know who she is working with. Do I trust her? Not really, but I don’t see her actively nominating me unless I piss her off and I’m trying to prevent that! Edit: Actually I have a strong feeling Michael and Blair are working together lmfao that could explain a lot. Poor girl.

Carly Incontro: lol this girl is a hot mess and apparently I have a super secret alliance with her, Percy, Tyler, and Megan. That’s the dream team right there! Such a hidden alliance that we all forgot it even existed. I would like to think that she would be a good person to work with but she randomly hangs out with Haleigh and Michael, so yea. I don’t want to target her outright but she needs to drop some allies.

Carmichael: I cannot get a read on her but I do feel like she isn’t someone I have to worry about right now. I don’t think I’m on the top on her hit list so I just need to see where her allegiances are and where are targets are before I talk too much game with her. She’s nice enough for me to not stress about.

Carter: Literally all over the place. I know she’s still playing dumb on a lot of things and she has an obvious trio alliance with Keke/Layla but for whatever reason they trust me for the time being despite me actively throwing them under the bus to other people lmao. I’m hoping that her winning HOH makes her a huge target so I have nothing to worry about for a bit longer but who knows.

Celine Dion: She’s probably playing the best under the radar game. Many people I talk to randomly list her as someone they talk with yet she and I have had minimal conversation. There’s something off about her and she seems salty that Megan has usurped her throne of being the most socially connected. Somehow she’s not on anyone’s radar, except mine, girl. I see you. Unfortunately I don’t see her leaving anytime soon but lol imagine if I nominate her/Daphne lmfao. At least a threat would go. She’s divulging this giant room but I bet it’s because Keesha told her I knew about it lmfao

Chloe Bailey: She’s so awful on so many levels, mostly for spamming the hidden status. I don’t even mind her on a game level. She’s clearly bored that we aren’t handing her the $3000 check so she’s stirring the pot because she ran out of ideas and I’m the easy target since I nominated her after she sent me the most lovey dovey DM ever. Barf. She obviously has connections and that’s why she felt so threatened whenever two of her other allies were nominated with her. Honestly I had no idea Keke was going after their alliance. That alliance just sucks at reaching out to anyone outside their circle jerk.

Daphne Blake : The Regina George of the season. She has connections everywhere but I think people are starting to see through her, at least I hope so. Tyler definitely does. I think Layla might too, unless she’s totally yanking my chain and setting me up to be a nice little bullseye for the queen. I think she’s going to last until jury probably, or at least traditional big brother. She needs to be backdoored against someone who will not leave. Wishful thinking.

Haleigh Broucher: This girl is randomly caught in the middle of so many alliances and I’m not even sure where her true loyalties but I actually don’t mind her and she’s never committed to anything that she couldn’t commit to. She hasnt specifically broken her word to me and I think she would be great long term. I hope that she can shed a ton of light on all these awful alliances and that would mean my foot is in the door with this one. I just need the crack to start forming.

Heather: Literally doesn’t do anything but sign in, ask what the tea is, sign out until challenge time, and then act surprised when she’s nominated for having no social connection with the HOH. Queen! I’ve never seen such a wonderful strategy but somehow it’s working for her since she’s making it this far in the game. I mean I guess that could work but I prefer to use strategies that actually make sense.

Keesha Smith: Theres something about her that’s sketchy AF and that’s her basically saying she wants us to make final three despite having little conversation. I’ll admit, it’s because I’ve been playing such a sloppy social game and chatting with a bunch of people and let it slip that I’m talking to a lot of people. I’m sure they are keeping me in their pocket for now but I would be stupid to think she wants me in finals with her. I do appreciate her in the game though <3 lol if I’m wrong about her and she’s loyal AF

Keke Palmer: Still not over the fact that she downplayed her alliance with Carter and Layla because I absolutely adore them. We could have been a fierce foursome alliance but instead you wanted to act like this nonsense sprung out of nowhere. That’s where my distrust of you came from and I will continue to actively throw you under the bus <3 I love you as a person but I need you alone, not with the other two. Watch me be wrong and you’re actually super loyal omg.

Layla Keating: Read much the exact same as Keke except I trust her more than you. You’re alright, I’m content with you having the same targets as me for now so I’ll let you take the heat while I sit pretty. You’re also pretty nice but you’re extremely dangerous in a group but I will continue to try to keep you in and just let you be taken by natural order.

Marianne Williamson: I think she’s a genuine person and I feel like Megan thinks she’s genuine too. From my conversations with her, she’s not caught up in all these alliance mess drama, and that might benefit her or it might come back to haunt her. I want her to last a long time in this game <3

Megan Fox: This one is also aligned with the entire house and I think it’s going to be her undoing when everyone sees through her antics. I actually don’t mind her though. She seems to be my eyes for me when I’m feeling lazy and I can use that. I like how I try to tell her we should distance ourselves and instead she’s like “nope I’m going to create more alliance rooms with us together”. Queen. Let’s see how long her scheming lasts. I find it hilarious. It’s like watching a gerbil on cocaine.

Michael Cimino: Literally the biggest train wreck this season and making so many alliances of different sizes and making people feel uncomfortable lmfao. I don’t see him lasting much longer but he’s so fun. Honestly if he just included me, then I would have loved to work with him and take out these haters <3

Nottie Salton: One of my original allies who is gone MIA I miss him so much! We barely talk and I guess he’s just either a reserved player or OMG BEST STRATEGIC MASTERMIND SINCE DAN GHEESLING (hayyyy Derrick xoxo). I want to talk to him more as the game gets further along since he could potentially be a juror since nobody is coming for him.

Penny Proud: Literally has completely turned against Michael. I heard about the crack in the alliance between those two and with a little evidence that I may or may not have twisted ~just a little~ I was able to make this crack grow a LOT bigger. Don’t get me wrong, Michael definitely does not have her best interest at heart, but I think he was still on the fence with her. But thanks to yours truly, I was able to split them apart even more and now she’s over him. Perfect. I’m doing what’s best for my game, and it just so happens to be good for hers too because he’s just adding to his army.

Percy Jackson: Literally invisible and I haven’t heard from him much so I don’t have a read on him except he’s randomly in an alliance with Michael who either really trusts him or does not want to cut an obvious jury goat.

Tyler Durden: Best person by far, up there with Megan. I love my alliance with him and honestly I would be making finals with him or her, regardless of how the jury sees fit. He’s been an amazing ally and hilarious and competent and I’m in love <3

Billie Eillish , LOL so much at you trying to feign interest in our conversations even though you are going on about this room that may or may not exist. I thought we were on the same page, why are you being a gross cow? I'm really annoyed at you because even though I don't particularly trust you I continued to give you the benefit of the doubt and here you are telling people I am still bringing up this room even though I haven't mentioned it in forever. Stop trying to actively campaign for me to go. I straight up told you what was going on with all that Percy nonsense and here you are still throwing me under the bus. Then again I did this same shit to other people in the game lolololol I hate you so much right now <3You are not on my radar right now but you will be soon enough.