Diary Room Entries

I'M BAAAAACCCCKKK!

Ah, it seems like only yesterday I was playing BBQ1. Oh that's right, it fucking was! I didn't think I was ready to play again but honestly, I couldn't resist. I think I can play an even better game this time around. It'll take a minute to get used to not being juicy though. I'm trying my best not to type the same way so as to not expose myself but it's hard lmao. I know there's other season 1 players in the cast too... I just wonder who.

I learned my lesson about sleeping in late af on move-in day and missing all the early alliances. This time, I was the first one in and I have already formed a girls alliance myself with the first five people including me, Big T, Buffy, Syd, and Cameron. I think 5 is a good number for an alliance, 7 or 8 is too big and that's why they all got exposed last season. They all seem cool so hopefully I can trust them, especially Big T, who I already have a final 2 with.

I'm also trying to message as many other people as possible. I want to form as many relationships/alliances as I can again, but definitely less this time around with a smaller cast (which I greatly appreciate). I really like Jim Halpert rn so I voted for him to be HOH, trusting he won't nominate me. Madison and Aaron already seem fucking crackedt lol so maybe I won't align with them. I don't want to have any enemies, but I need people I can actually target.


I'm so excited to be playing again now that I know my way around the game. Hoping I can make it as far, and hopefully farther, this time around. I want to win so bad... but I'll take it one step at a time.


it's DW bitch

Oh bitch... I have so much to say but the thought of even typing it all out stresses me tf out.

Let me smoke a joint and come back.

Alright. Joint smoked. I genuinely want to post a diary entry multiple times a day but I’m so wiped out by all the game play, private chats, and dms that I’m too tired to type any more.

So let me explain my situation. First of all, I am in a 10 person alliance I did not approve of, 3-4 of which I would have wanted to target. This damn token HOH already brought back memories of losing to Oprah by one point and then all of our side's games falling apart back to back to back. I should not have fucking come out and said I wanted the HOH. I just thought since I was so close last time I could pull it off this time. However, a lot of fucking people straight up lied to me, people in my alliance, with no explanation. I was confirmed to have 35-38 tokens... I ended up with 20 LMAO. 

I don’t know what the I want to lick you Russell is talking about most of the time, it’s like he speaks in fucking riddles. Now he’s playing this martyr role like he fall on his sword for the team… when really he lied and hijacked the vote last minute so he would win. I can't speak up and ask what the I want to lick you is going on out of fear of upsetting my alliance. Now I have to kiss the asses of people I don’t even like to be protected by an alliance I didn’t want to be in.

I feel very insecure in this game and it sucks. I think what makes it worse is that I’m trying so much harder and want to succeed so bad. I’m in 2 big alliances and should feel secure, and yet I don’t. That’s what happens when you’re aligned with people you don’t fully trust. I’m basically trapped into loyalty at the risk of my game being blown up. I was in a better position last game as a nobody with no big alliances but absolutely no target on my back. But then again, I think using that strategy this season would have gotten me evicted already. I think, mostly, it's that I don’t really have that one ally I can go to that I trust completely. I don’t have my oprah, or more so, my joe exotic. 

Furthermore, once again, being on PST has put me at a genuine disadvantage. Everyone wakes up at the same time and goes to sleep at the same time. I’m already someone who stays up until 4 am and sleeps until the late afternoon so it doesn’t help that I’m 3 hours behind nearly all my competitors. I’ve already been told I’m not seen as very active in the forum, which I think is completely untrue. But that’s me comparing myself to last season. These people post all fucking day every fucking day. Who are these people? Idk girl but I'm already tired. Just hoping for the best in this game.

Last night was really upsetting for me. I was so excited to win my HOH and I was on a high to be able to put up the 2 people up who lied to me and threatened my game. 2 people I wanted to target from the beginning until I was stuck in an alliance with them. Then, after the veto was over and Russell was set to leave, I’m accused of being ableist towards Russell and nominating him because he has ADHD. None of it was at all true or even made sense. I can not believe someone would slander my character so seriously over nominations in an online big brother game. It’s disgusting. Especially because I'm someone who is passionate about standing up for other people and fighting for what's right. I couldn’t even sleep last night because it bothered me so much. But I’m over it now. I genuinely believe it was just poor sportsmanship, very very poor sportsmanship. Amy and Russell were removed and, at the end of the day, that’s great for my game.

Today has been great though. I was terrified either Pedro or Kway would pull of the HOH and I would be a goner. I’m so used to nothing in this game going my way lmao. For once, exactly what I needed to happen did. Buffy won HOH, nominated Pedro and Kway, and I won the veto. It’s been perfect. I personally don’t understand Buffy wanting to take out Kway, who sucks at this game and hasn’t won anything and is now laying down to die, over Pedro who has won twice already. Pedro could very well win the next HOH and try to take me out. But it's her HOH and her call.

Truth is, I trust Buffy the least out of our girls alliance and have since the beginning. I get a certain vibe from her that just feels off. She hasn’t denied the accusations of her working with Aaron or being part of the plan to hijack the token HOH from me. She’s the first I would want out from us girls and I have this gut feeling she feels the same about me.

I would genuinely love to see the girl gang in the final 5 though. I am so proud of my creation and how well we’ve worked together and supported each other in this game. I was so sad to see Harley go and was really worried about her. I just hope she’s ok and I wish her the best. My only other real ally outside the girls is Jim Halpert. I've liked him from day 1 and I still think I can trust him. 


As of right now, I'm in a great mood and I feel great about my game. I'm so glad I can relax for the rest of the night and not have to scramble around for votes. A moment of peace in a chaotic ass game. I'm hoping tomorrow treats me just as well and the girl gang can stay in power, or at least Pedro stays out of power. Positive thoughts! xoxo

<3

So last night was the hang tight endurance HOH, the only HOH I won last season. My ego wanted to win again because staying up all night is my greatest talent, but I had just won an HOH and a veto and I knew I shouldn't win. I'm definitely not trying to be labeled a comp beast. I just intended to stay in it as long as possible and until I trusted everyone left. When it came down to me, Syd, Cam, Jim, and Aaron I figured I would be safe and one of them would definitely nominate Kway. So, after making it 13 hours again, I decided to go to sleep. 

Aaron ended up winning which was fine because why wouldn't he put up Kway, who has called him and Buffy out directly, multiple times? Well, instead he decided to put up Natalie and Bob the Builder... he really stayed up 14 hours to put up 2 fucking coasters who have yet to win anything and probably don't have many alliances??? It makes no sense! Buffy was also acting extremely sus about it. She's always really secretive and defensive when it comes to Aaron and it's been really bothering me. For a minute, I even considered the possibility that they were trying to backdoor ME lmao. The only plausible explanation is that Aaron and Buffy made some kind of deal with Kway. At this point, I can no longer trust Buffy and I will nominate her alongside Aaron the next chance I get. 

I went to Big T, my first in last out alliance, with my concerns about Buffy and thankfully she feels the same. Neither of us like the way Buffy flip flops on decisions, for example on the Pedro vs. Kway vote last round. I said to the girl gang I felt we should take Pedro out since he's a bigger competition and social threat than Kway but Buffy completely shut it down and said it wasn't best for HER game. Then, after 3 of us girls had already voted, Buffy wanted to switch and get Pedro out. Let me tell you I was so fucking irritated lmao. Luckily, Pedro went home anyway, but I just don't understand why Buffy thinks she gets the final say on what the girl gang does. Also, Big T and I both agree she and Aaron probably cut a deal with Kway. Like I said before, Buffy has never denied closely working with Aaron, and she probably tells him everything. I'm also still bothered about what Jim told me, that Buffy was in on Russell's plan to hijack the fire token HOH. When I brought it up, Buffy completely ignored it. 

I was afraid to mention anything to Syd or Cameron because I don't know how close they really are to Buffy. However, Big T just told me Syd actually reached out to her and said she was concerned about Buffy always pushing her own agenda and doesn't think we can fully trust her. I feel SOOO much better that these 2 agree with me, especially since I have always trusted them the most out of the girl gang. It's always nice to know you're not alone in your concerns and you're not crazy. So now I have requested a private room for just the 3 of us so we can figure out what to do moving forward. I love Cam, but I don't think we can trust her not to run back to Buffy. Me, Big T, and Syd are the Key 3. We have formed a mutiny (lmao) within the girl gang and we will be taking matters into our own hands.

It feels like my game has fallen completely out of my hands and it's the worst feeling in the world. This feels like deja vu from last season after the returning players came back, they were all on the other side of the house, and my allies and I all got evicted back to back to back. 

I woke up today to see I was called out by Kway when he was evicted and my "Key 3" alliance was outed by name. My heart dropped. Apparently he was really butt hurt about me ignoring his messages and it shows my "character and weaknesses in this game." Lmao. Shut up. I was absolutely blindsided that either Big T or Syd would out our alliance to Kway, who was on his way out the door... like what would you possibly gain from that? Our alliance literally only existed for ONE DAY. At first, they both explained to me that it's possible Kway saw our private room in the split second it was created before it was made private. This seemed plausible at first because it made no sense for either of them to tell him, and he incorrectly said we were targeting Villanelle. I would actually be more angry if this was the case than if someone ratted. However, I now believe Syd was the rat after all.

When Villanelle won HOH I thought I was absolutely done for. I knew my only play was to come clean to her about absolutely everything. I told her about the girl gang, the key 3 we formed to target Buffy and Aaron, and the way Buffy and Aaron were both planning to backdoor her during their HOHs had she not won the veto. The main goal of course was to keep myself off the block, but I was hoping against hope that she would put up Aaron and Buffy. It partially worked. She put up Syd and Big T. I'm so grateful I'm safe, but I just don't understand why everyone seems to be playing for Buffy and Aaron and why no one will put them up... LIKE CAN NO ONE ELSE SEE WHAT I SEE? Then, of course, Aaron won the veto and it was a done deal. I am trying SO hard to win competitions and I always feel like I have it, and then I don't. I'm so incredibly frustrated. There's nothing worse than trying your hardest and still failing. 

I feel completely exposed. If Big T goes this round, I'm likely following right behind her. I feel really defeated. I'm not someone who ever gives up, but I do know when the writing is on the wall. So at this point I have nothing to lose and I am going for broke. I am campaigning as hard as I possibly can for Big T to stay. The other side, Buffy, Aaron, and Cam, seem to be fighting for Syd to stay. Buffy knows we were coming after her so I now fully believe Syd ratted us out to her. I'm just really disappointed in Syd because I thought I could trust her 100%. Right now, Big T only has me, Natalie, and Daenerys definitely voting to keep her. I'm basically begging Spongebob and Jim for their votes. I think I might be able to swing Spongebob, but he's somebody who doesn't want to go against the grain and won't vote with me unless I'm sure I have the majority. So, I need to assure him we do even if I'm not really sure. If I can get his vote, we will have 4 which will result in a tie vote. I told Big T to make a deal with Villanelle so she breaks the tie in her favor. This is our only hope at this point. The only other play is to absolutely blow everything up in the eviction thread which I'm not opposed to doing. These people need to know that Buffy and Aaron are playing all of them and they will win this game unless we take a shot. I am working so hard and all I can do now is wait for the vote and hope to keep my game alive.

P.S. this is also horrific deju vu of me being voted out last season by a 4-4 tie...

So my HOH was a shit show, AGAIN. How is it that even when I win I don’t win lmao? So much has happened and I have so much to say, so buckle in, this is gonna be a long one. 

When I won HOH yesterday, I actually jumped up off the couch and shouted out in pure joy. However, my excitement caused me to forget about all the powers floating around. All I wanted was to put that little bitch Buffy on the block next to her bitch boy Aaron, but he used his goddamn immunity idol on her. Now, it’s fine because I can still nominate Aaron, right? As long as he doesn’t win the veto it’s all good, right? He won the fucking veto! AGAIN, I THOUGHT I HAD IT AND DID FUCKING NOT. Lmao I feel like I'm so quick but these bitches are just quicker and IT SUCKS. Jim got second place by a literal few seconds and I got third. If either of us had just been a teeny tiny bit faster, Aaron would be gone. I feel like Charlie Brown when the football keeps getting pulled away from him every time he's about to kick it.

So, I chose to nominate Syd as a replacement nominee because she absolutely snaked me by outing The Key 3 alliance and she also had a double vote. She personally wronged me and I felt it best to flush out all of the powers in one go (besides Dany's veto pass). After I nominated her, Syd messaged me and told me about a “JABSS” alliance between Jim, Aaron, Buffy, Syd, and Spongebob. I’m not surprised because Jim said he was trying to stay in Buffy and Aaron's good graces, but he should’ve told me. I don’t know how to feel about Jim. He did not vote with me against either Kway or Syd and he has these ties with Buffy and Aaron, but he has always claimed to be with me and want them out. I have no choice but to trust him at this point because I need him as a number and a competitor. All I have is me, Dany, Natalie, and Jim.

However, I am surprised Cameron wasn't included in this alliance. This is great for me though because I have used this information to show Cameron that she can’t trust Buffy and Aaron and I honestly think I’ve gotten through to her. I don’t think she’s as cued in to what’s going on in the game as I thought, and I don’t think she’s Buffy’s right hand girl like I thought. Cameron agreed to vote out Syd like I asked and she wants to work together moving forward. I might have to keep her at arms length, but hopefully she really is a number for me and won't be targeting me. However, to see Syd ask to be evicted was pathetic. After I fought tooth and nail for Big T to stay over her last round she’s just going to ask to leave? It’s so gross. Big T deserved so much better. Seeing Big T get evicted was honestly painful for me, she was my day 1 ally and I wanted to take it to the end together.


Buffy also used her quarantine power on Villanelle last night, sending her out of the game for 24 hours with safety but unable to compete, which I thought was fucking weird. It seemed to me Villanelle cut a deal with them for safety by not nominating them. It’s so obvious that Aaron and Buffy are just using her now because they know she’s a competition threat, they fully intended to backdoor her TWICE. However, it seems Villanelle is starting to understand this. She approached me today and said she wanted to work together moving forward. She realized Aaron and Buffy have trapped her into a perceived trio and she knows it's stupid for her endgame to stay with them. I will have to tread lightly with her but as many people I can have not targeting me, the better. It seems some people are starting to see the light, so I will continue to guide them. 


Let me just say I absolutely love Daenerys. She is the only one absolutely riding with me, she even fought Aaron in the nomination thread lmao. I have talked to her since the beginning but I was caught up in other alliances early on and I didn’t realize how similar we are as people and as players. I feel like she’s my Joe Exotic. She's the only one I know I can 100% trust in this game. It's Double D to the end. I’m terrified for tonight’s HOH though. I can’t compete and if Aaron, Buffy, or Spongebob win I will be on the block, no question. I am depending on Dany, Natalie, and Jim but the first 2 haven’t been able to win anything yet... as an atheist I have never prayed so much in my life lmao.



Tell me how I started this game out the complete opposite way and have still found myself in the same position as last time? Fighting from the bottom, enemies with the most powerful players, aligned with the likable underdogs who can’t win anything for the life of them. If I could go back in time and not go against Buffy though, I wouldn’t. I’m not someone who kisses anyone’s ass or does their bidding for them. I knew in my gut I couldn't trust her from the beginning and I was right. I also just don't really like her... something about the way she talks just bothers me lmao. I just don’t understand what all these people gain by playing Buffy and Aaron’s game. Like I understand you can hide behind them for now, but you aren’t playing to win. You’re playing for third, fourth, fifth, sixth place at best. I have made big moves with both of my HOH wins when I could’ve kept the status quo and nominated non-entities. I may lose trying, but at least I’m playing to win.

If you haven't noticed, I have been working MY ASS OFF in this game and it has been an emotional rollercoaster. But I have to remind myself that, at the end of the day, this is just a game that I'm playing for fun... and I am having a lot of fun. I love you Arisa girl! Thank you for this game. I hope you've enjoyed reading these emphatic novels of mine lmao.

L M A O. At this point I just gotta laugh to keep from crying. My life sucks but at least it's comically bad!

So Buffy won HOH, predictable. Dany and I are on the block, predictable. Aaron won veto, predictable. It's boring at this point. In Big Brother I'm either rooting for the underdog or I am the underdog lmao. Why is that? Why can't I ever be the one steamrolling? skskskskks.

So now I'm up for eviction but I have four people promising me their votes to stay, Cameron, Jim, Villanelle, and Natalie. If they're all telling me the truth, I will stay. But I know people lie, I supposedly had the votes last season but I still went home. Crossing my fingers so hard. I second guessed my decision to get Syd out last night but now I'm certain I made the right choice. If she was still here with her double vote I would be gone for sure. I'm also so grateful about my conversations with Cameron and Villanelle, I think they will pay off in their votes to keep me. 

I'm so sad to be sitting next to Daenerys though and having to campaign, not against her, but for myself. She is my closest friend and ally in this game and in order for me to stay, she has to go. No matter what, I love her and I know we'll be friends when this game is over. 

Popping a bottle of champagne and rolling a joint. Now we wait.

Wow. So much has happened since I last posted a diary entry, but it’s been a whirl wind. I made it through the double eviction last night which is when I was evicted last time. Yay! Now I’m in the fucking final five! I can’t even believe it.

The day I survived eviction, I called a truce with Buffy and Aaron. I was tired of being terrified of them and fighting each other while everyone else skates by. I also felt bad that I hurt their feelings with my snarky comments, because that was never my intention. My sense of humor is definitely too harsh for some people so I toned it down. I also knew the only way for me to get to the end was to work with them. I lost all my real allies and was totally alone and I knew it was my only move to survive. I decided I just wanted to make it as far as possible in this game and see what happens.

This alliance with Buffy and Aaron, The Purge, has been amazing. We have been able to dominate the last several HOHs and send the fence riders home. We get drunk and party together to celebrate our success. I am so grateful we have been able to talk through our misunderstandings and become real friends. They're both wonderful people. Buffy and Aaron are actually like in love with each other so I'm kind of a third wheel but it's really cute so I don't care lmao. I know Buffy will take Aaron to the end over me, she has told me so. Which is completely understandable. If I still had a day 1 ally in the game I would feel the same. 

Now, we are in the final 5 with Jim and Spongebob and I face a dilemma. If I win this HOH tonight, it may be my only shot to take out Buffy or Aaron and give myself a real shot at winning this game. But I have become genuine friends with both of them, especially Buffy, and they have kept me safe when they had several chances to take a shot. I don’t know what to do. Buffy has an extra jury vote and has played an incredible game and I would probably lose to her, badly. I want to get to the end... but I REALLY want to win. They could be planning to take me out too, or they could truly want to take me to the final 3. I just don't know. I either take a shot and betray them, possibly ruining friendships, or I don't and either they take me out or Buffy beats me in the end. 

Lmao I’m still so fucking angry at myself for choosing that twilight clip for the jury luxury challenge because I may have won otherwise. I chose it because I think it's ironically hilarious, but we all know not everyone understands my sense of humor. I was also high, curse you marijuana. Then again, having that extra jury vote would put a huge target on my back and Buffy and Aaron would definitely not want to take me to the end. I know there's nothing I can do about it now anyway, but I'm the type to dwell on my mistakes indefinitely.


Jim came to me with a final 2 deal last night which I thought was great, and I accepted. I love Jim and I definitely have a better chance against him in the end, but then again, he hasn't pissed anyone off in the game and the jury could be bitter against me. If he can win HOH tonight and take the shot at Buffy and Aaron, that would be great. But then he gets the credit for arguably the biggest move of the season. So many damn dilemmas! 



No matter what happens, I am so proud of the game I've been able to play this season. I'm in the final 5. I've won 3 HOHs and 2 vetos. I've made big moves. We will see how tonight goes.

It could be my last night. Aaron won the HOH and wants to put me up against Spongebob, but I am being assured that Buffy and Jim will vote for me to stay and Aaron will break the tie if it comes to that, but something doesn't feel right. The alarm bells in my head are ringing,

Why can't Aaron put Jim up? I know he kept us safe a few rounds ago, but it's the final 5 and we have a final 3 deal. Why should they care more about appeasing Jim than me, their alliance member? Why does it matter what Jim thinks when we want him out next anyway? If he wins the next HOH he has to put 2 of us up no matter what. It doesn't make sense to me. But I can't protest too much because they could get upset and decide to really target me (if they aren't already) for not trusting them. I just have to sit here and say no worries! I trust you guys! But this is exactly what I would do if I won HOH and wanted to slyly get one of them out. 

It sucks because I couldn't put my full effort into the HOH challenge and couldn't finish the veto challenge at all because it's my mom's birthday and I'm supposed to be celebrating with her. It just wasn't a good day for me to have such long and complicated competitions. But there's nothing I can do about it now. I'll just enjoy my night and hope for the best.

Holy shit. So I believe today is the penultimate night of the game and I am so excited and nervous. I am in the fucking final 3! I just won Part 2 of the final HOH and now I will face Buffy for Part 3. I can't believe it.

So at the final 4, I won the final power of veto and had the incredibly difficult decision to evict either Jim or Aaron singlehandedly. My paranoia at the final 5 that Buffy and Aaron were trying to get me out turned out to be unwarranted lmao. I knew I would be betraying them, but I had to evict Aaron. It was actually one of the hardest choices I've ever made because I've become such good friends with them both, especially Buffy. But I knew I would be stupid not to make the move. If I want to get a single jury vote at the end, I needed to do it and show that Buffy and Aaron did not drag me along. I have never been afraid to make big moves, but I didn't realize how personal this game would get. 

Buffy was upset, but she forgave me a lot faster than I expected. She swore to me she still wants to sit together in the final 2. It's hard to believe, but I don't know why she would continuously swear to me when it would be more understandable to just take Jim. But I guess she hates Jim more than she hates me for evicting Aaron. I'm just so grateful I haven't lost her as a friend and she forgives me. 

So now going in to Part 3 of the final HOH, I'm contemplating throwing it to Buffy. If she is genuinely taking me to the end, I have more chance to win against her if she takes me than if I take her... but is she really? If I win and take her, the jury will laugh in my face. But if I win and don't take Buffy, I'm certain I will actually lose her as a friend this time. I also have a final 2 with Jim that I don't want to break and piss him off. I don't want to make the decision, but I don't want to risk going out in third place either. Another dilemma. 

I feel like I need to prepare my jury speech... but I don't want to jinx it. I won't count my chickens before they hatch. Praying I make the final 2. We will see soon.