Guess I have to wait here for you

*rolls in stinking of boxed wine*

I totally fell asleep under a bush in the parking lot. Where's hair and makeup? I need someone to get these twigs outta my hair.

If you want I can let you borrow some of my makeup and hair product. I don’t care about the ozone layer.

Ozone layer? More like Nozone layer, am I rite or am I rite, Chanel?

I want to levy a complaint with the staff. I want to evict anyone in the game using catchphrases like, "kskskssk" because it looks like shit on a tshirt and I'm trying to merch the hell outta this season since I'm a star.

Every time I see “ksksksksksksks” I think of a snake laughing at his own joke.

What do you think of the game so far? I feel like most of them are a bit dull and the only reason any of them stand out is because they are a hot mess.

You're really putting me on the spot here because now I have to pretend to say nice things about people when I don't mean them.

I like your shoes.

Yeah I ended up paying a few grand for them. They’re just my house shoes.

Okay, let's pick apart the cast.

Let's start with the obvious villain of the show, Rose the Hat. I thought she was a bitch in "Doctor Sleep" and I think she's a bitch in the game. And why a hat when a high pony would be an equally effective trademark? Or even a jaunty bow?

If these people do not band up and get her out stat, they're idiots.

I am thankful she kicked Riku, though, because his profile picture was the size of a shoebox and it stretched the hell outta the forum.

I give her 6 outta 10 hats on Amy's Scale of Amy Just Made Up A Scale Because A Scale Seems Necessary When Blogging.

I don’t mind Rose in this game. She’s the only one interesting in this entire game. I was definitely rooting for Riku though, because he has a certain stubbornness to him that I can appreciate. I think he would have been a great foil to Rose’s game and maybe he will come back with the battle back.

He can't come back unless he's limited to a 60x60 pfp. Scrolling when wine drunk makes me queasy.

Next on my list, Ariana Grande.

I think she made me laugh once.

And I hate her brother.

So, that washes out, leaving her with a 5 outta 10 High Ponies.

If she stabs Rose in the back, I'll actually listen to one of her songs in its entirety, which is a big deal given how much I dislike her and Katy Perry.

I lost my virginity to a Katy Perry song. “E.T.” Except it was the one with Kanye providing the guest vocals. Good times.

Yeah Riku’s avatar was uncomfortably tall. I just felt like a dwarf alongside him.

Ariana has been going down in my ranks gradually. She just does not do much. If I’m not mistaken, I think she is immune this upcoming round unless I totally misunderstood the twist. Yeah, her kinship with Frankie hurts my heart.

Next on my list: Patrick Star. A true king. Friend to newly out Spongebob, which means that he can probably get me into some ridiculously wild foam parties. Patrick gets 10 outta 10 Pineapples Under The Sea because I like to party and I need those post show invites.

Patrick has not done anything for me at all but he’s not awful. He is just there, which is fine for a game like this. He seems like he would be fun though and I can just imagine him drinking a shot of a man stripper’s chest at these foam parties.

David Rose.

David would be much higher on my list if he were doing hourly outfit changes. What a wasted opportunity to fully flesh out a fashion icon. You're a Rose, man. Act like it. Embrace your inner bitch, slap on a tiara, and grab the game by the balls.

4 outta 10 Moira Wigs.

The best Rose is Madison Rose.

David has so much potential to do great but I’m just not feeling him quite yet. I also get a strange feeling he is downplaying his challenge abilities?