Confessionals

My competitive side almost got the better of me and I tried in the POV last night when I had no reason to actually try to win. This will be my downfall in any game I am in. I love winning comps and I need to check myself over this. I have to teach myself not to overdo it and try hard in challenges that are actually crucial for me.

At some point, I will try hard in challenges. I just played a Big Brother game on twitter where all I did was win competitions. It's a valid strategy that I want to try to eventually implement here but not right away. I want people to be afraid to nominate me.

I'm trying to be a social and nice player. I'm trying my best to get onto these player's levels. Talk the way they talk. Talk like a gen z'er. Smile a lot, laugh a lot. Be a social butterfly.

I'm aligning with more people than I normally would in a game. Which means if I last long enough in this game, I will be betraying people which I am fine with. Aligning with a lot of people might end up fucking me if people start to talk and figure it out. I'm good at challenges so if my back is to the wall, I'll be able to kill it.

Are you having fun?

I do find it fun!

Good bc those twitter games are horrible.

I only played in one and it was very frustrating. Javi hosted it and I felt really out of place in it.

So there is a group of 10 players aligned in this game. And I am on the outside that. This is fine and I am going to act completely oblivious to it. But I want to subliminally find a way to make these people paranoid with each other and when push comes to shove I will out this group of people:

Kway, DW, Buffy Summers, Jim Halpert, Aaron Ramsey, Amy Schumer, Big T, Syd, Russell Brand and Pedro Aboud.

These people are aligned and I will do everything in my power to make sure I disrupt this without blowing up my game and making myself a target. Will have to figure this out.

One thing that will help is being able to get the rooms I requested to be made <3

I gotta play catch up with these motherfuckers.

I'm going to try real hard at the next HOH challenge.

I wonder if Russell and Jim are a tight duo.

I'm excited to watch bullets flying all different directions while I get to lay in a hammock watching morons taking out morons. I can't wait until I can win HOH again so I can wield that power for information and create fear.

Me pretending to be buddy buddy with Buffy still. And then soon this will be us...

I loathe endurance challenges and there's no way I would've been able to win that challenge. I tried to look like I made a worthy attempt at it and went way later than I would like but I don't want it to look like I didn't care. Finding the right balance of knowing I'm not going to win but still putting effort.

I might be nominated today, I have no idea but all I know is that I do not trust a god damn person in this game.

I'm a challenge monster and I do not want people knowing this yet, but this monster will be unleashed the moment I am nominated. I look at it as license to go into John Wick mode and go apeshit in challenges.

If I am not nominated tonight, I will try to play in POV and win it to avoid any possible backdoors. I covered a lot of bases with people in the cast but for all I know they could be know I'm playing so many sides at once lol.

I've been working on gaining the trust of Aaron for the bulk of this evening. All day long when we were waiting for his nominations, I was so certain I was going to be nominated. This is a ridiculous social obstacle course that is hard to navigate. I had a feeling that Aaron and Buffy heard about me trying to create an alliance to go after them.

I know this because from what I heard from Pedro, Buffy can go into these gamebot modes where she can have very fluid conversations with great amounts of detail. This kind of detail from here is not something I have experienced yet in this game. She was very quiet with me all day long and I am absolutely certain she was pushing Aaron to go after me or at least consider me as an option to be nominated.

I deliberately reached out to people like Syd and Big T. People that I sense report back to Aaron or Buffy. I told them a slew of nonsense about how I'm nervous about being nominated and how I'm fearful that Aaron doesn't trust me because he thinks I might be after him. I then followed that with a lot of pro-Aaron and Buffy sentiment. I have no idea if this worked or not but it sure didn't hurt me. Aaron finally responded to me with his nominee choices and did not nominate me at all. Buffy barely talks to me and she clearly doesn't trust my ass at all though.

I made sure to be eligible to play POV and was able to win it. I was afraid to be backdoored. After I won POV and decided not to use it, Aaron began to open up to me about how he heard people telling him that I was plotting against him. I spent the rest of the night working hard to gain his trust and hopefully Buffy's trust via him.

I feel like a snake oil salesman. I'm totally lying to them. I kind of feel bad. Whatever though lol.

As for how this information originally got to them. It is absolutely Cameron Van Buren. I believe she is working with them. She randomly asked me out of nowhere what I would've done if I had won the endurance challenge and who I would nominate around the same time as Aaron messaging me about his nomination choices. I really feel like Cameron is trying to play me and I do not like it. I feel insulted that she thinks I am falling for it but I am going to play it off like I'm a naive idiot.

It's useful that I know this about Cameron, I can use her as a vessel to feed her misleading info that will no doubt find its way to Aaron/Buffy. But she DEFINITELY was the one who told them about my involvement with that Kway alliance.

I think I trust Jim, he's someone I think would be very good to work with going forward. Because I can't do this thing by myself, so I'm working on building up trust with him. I'll be wary though with working with anyone at all.

I was going to try to win HOH tomorrow but now I'm not sure that I need to. I've been biding my time with when to try hard in challenges consistently. I tried hard tonight but I'm not so sure I want to try hard tomorrow. I was originally going to try hard and nominate Buffy and Aaron but I don't think I necessarily want to do that yet. They are starting to trust me a little bit and I don't want to betray them just yet. I doubt they fully trust me and they want to keep me close because I can win challenges. No doubt they are kind of afraid of me.

Just to follow this up, the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that Aaron/Buffy would've tried to backdoor me if I didn't win POV.